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My Healing Journey
(and how I got started)
I have always been connected to and fascinated with spiritual and psychic phenomena. I feel other people's emotions and alignment, and have always been told I was an old soul and full of wisdom, even as a child. I developed my abilities with an intense hunger to learn more. I meditated and prayed every day, I read every book I could get my hands on about new age spirituality, I practiced everything to do with psychic abilities, magic, and energy work with my friends, and I started doing readings at age 14. At 18 I went to college and met my soulmate and life-partner, Deira, in the freshmen dorms--and finally I had someone to share my passion for spirituality and energywork with. (We've been together now for 15 years, and are married and have a child together.)
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We studied abroad while at university together, one semester in Bordeaux, France, and another in Kyoto, Japan. In Japan, we both developed stress-related illnesses--I had a dangerously large ovarian cyst, and she had severe back pain. Western medicine wasn't much help to either of us, so on a suggestion from our Japanese religions teacher, we decided to go on a Japanese spiritual pilgrimage and pray for help and healing. We hiked through the huge, primeval forest of Mount Kurama--one of the most magical days of my entire life--visiting a string of Shinto shrines and Buddhist temples along the way, and praying in the local tradition at each stop. The atmosphere there was incredible--the forest had a protective, watchful, guiding wisdom about it, and the mountain radiated clarity and connection with Spirit. By the end of the hike around sunset, our pain was gone. Despite hiking all day, I was full of vitality and energy again. Three days later a doctor's scan confirmed that my cyst had spontaneously disappeared and I was once again in good health.
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When we got back home I discovered Reiki, a Japanese energy healing modality, through an internet search, and knew I needed to take a class as soon as possible. At my first class a couple weekends later, one of the first things I learned was that Master Usui, founder of the system of Reiki, received the ability to heal himself and others through meditation in that very forest on that very mountain, and on my own healing journey, I had visited the very Buddhist temple where Usui-sense had studied as a monk. I knew in that moment that Reiki was what had healed me, and would be a part of my path for the rest of my life.
I needed to become a Master and Teacher.
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This was the answer and the path I'd been looking for all my life.
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In the decade since then, Reiki and other holistic wellness modalities have saved my life several times, and helped me heal from chronic stress and childhood trauma, a major illness, a really bad car accident, and the ups and downs of life. I hear the word "miracle" a lot. In fact, I take so little damage, scar so little and heal so well that doctors often either tell me the angels are with me, ask me what my secret is, or refuse to believe me about what I've been through. Having a history of trauma, anxiety, and depression means that I may always be more prone to accident and illness than people with fewer adverse childhood events, but I have learned to create safety, balance, wellbeing, and optimism in my daily living
and find joy in being alive.
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I know what it means to be a survivor. And I know what it means to be a victim. But I also know what it means to deeply, profoundly heal the mind, body, and spirit. I know, from my own experiences and those of the clients I've been serving in my practice, that anything is possible.
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What Healing Is (and Isn't)
"Anything can be healed. But it takes safety and love, not time." -Toby
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Reiki doesn't prevent life from happening or keep you from needed lessons, but it can help you get the wisdom out and recover as quickly and completely as possible.
Healing doesn't mean that you go back to the way you were before trauma. It's not a magic reset button. You had big experiences. You learned things. You changed, and you grew. But it doesn't always have to hurt. You can always return to wellbeing--it's just that wellbeing might look different for you now. The things that bring you joy might have changed. Your body and mind might have changed. Your abilities and interests might have changed. Your values and what you want out of life might have changed.
It's not that joy and wellbeing are gone forever. They've just moved--and you need to rediscover them from your new perspective.
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It may be time for some new self-discovery--figuring out who you are now, and what you want out of life given where you're at. Sometimes it means starting over. Sometimes it means digging deeper into the life and connections you already have. Sometimes it means taking a new direction or leaping into the unknown. Go back to what you love and value about yourself. Go back to what you know about yourself and your life. Reignite your self-worth. Reexamine old beliefs that any part of you is bad, wrong, or should be better--notice when the people and situations that gave you those beliefs were serving their own agendas and insecurities, or being abusive and hurtful, or simply untrue. Noticing where you want to improve and grow is a healthy thing, and being able to receive feedback about your behavior can be very helpful sometimes when the source is trustworthy and compassionate, but believing you're not a worthwhile person is often an internalized trauma and may need some healing and nurturing.
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If you know that there are things in your life you want to improve, or that you've got a healing journey ahead of you, I am here to help.
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My pronouns are they/them. I am a white, AFAB non-binary, pansexual, autistic person with chronic pain and what is very likely undiagnosed PTSD. I have traveled extensively, speak three languages, and have lived in North America, Europe, and Asia. I believe all life has intrinsic value and want to promote kindness and understanding between peoples of different cultures and backgrounds. At the end of high school I participated in a student ambassador program called Sister Cities on behalf of Anaheim, California in a delegation to Mito, Japan, where I made lifelong friends and was able to help promote world peace in my own small way through intercultural exchange and youth education. I earned a bachelor's degree from the University of California at Irvine. While there, I initially double majored in biology and creative writing, though I ended up earning my degree in English. (I have a deep love and respect for science, but clashed with the often misogynistic practice of it. I also believe that all life is sacred and valuable, and refused to participate in the belief espoused by my professors and most of the STEM fields that humans, particularly white, western, male humans, are superior to all other life on Earth, which led me to conclude that a career in the sciences was not for me.) I also studied abroad in Bordeaux, France, and in Kyoto, Japan. I craved a wider world-view, wanted to explore and experience as much of humanity as I could. I came from white middle class privilege and grew up in a small, tight-knit, conservative community in Orange County. Many things about me did not line up with that community's values, so I ended up leaving when I turned 18, traveled the world, and I eventually settled in Los Angeles. I have been studying queer issues and feminism, deconstructing my internalized racism, and learning about the underserved needs of my community ever since. My inclusive, compassionate, and non-judgmental stance is something I've been carefully cultivating with a lot of life experiences, careful study and education, long discussions with people from other backgrounds and demographics, and careful consideration over the course of two decades. Having been a gifted kid and an honors student, I am confident in my ability to think critically, sift through vast amounts of data, and draw insightful conclusions--and what I see is a world where people suffer not because of their "faults" or lack of effort or merit, but because of systemic oppression and the disenfranchisement and abuse of all minorities. And I feel a calling to aid those who are suffering, and to educate in ways that help promote connection, kindness and understanding between peoples, as I believe that to be the basis of peace.